When Staying Home for Self-Care Hurts

During this health crisis, we've been under a Stay Home/Stay Safe Order. Sounds simple, stay home, stay safe. But what if home isn't a safe place for you? Home can be a scary place sometimes. You have to be careful what you say, what you do. You have to walk around on eggshells, or else you'll set off the person you love. The person who says they love you, but hurts you sometimes.

There has been a significant increase in domestic violence since the Stay Home Order was put into effect. https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/police-see-rise-domestic-violence-calls-amid-coronavirus-lockdown-n1176151 For the victims they are in a terrible position, stay and suffer at the hands of their abuser, or leave and risk their lives and the lives of their children by exposing themselves to the Coronavirus/Covid-19. What to do? The abuser has them at their mercy because it is truly life threatening to leave right now, but it's also life threatening to stay because some counties and states even have curfews. The problem is magnified now because the children are home as well, there's nowhere to hide.

There is help for you. You can leave, you don't have to suffer in silence. Here in Texas there is a campaign #NoCovidAbuse. The shelters are still operating 24/7 and are practicing social distancing for you and your family if you haven't or don't want to reach out to family or friends. If the shelter is full, they have hotels they are contracting with to safely house you. Contact the National Domestic Abuse Hotline 1-800-799-7233 or if needed, the National Sexual Abuse Hotline 1-800-656-4673.

My post last week was about the 8 Dimensions of Self-Care, there are two directly related to this issue Environmental and Physical. Environmental means the surroundings you occupy, and physical means your actual physical health. You can't practice self-care if your surroundings, or you personal safety is in jeopardy.

See last week's post here https://www.wix.com/dashboard/9e774688-7b50-4e26-96ea-31cdb20ce145/blog/5ea5e3a49e43ea0017b0321f

If you are being abused, then these dimensions are compromised and you need to seek help. You have to do what's best for you so you can heal. The time during this quarantine may have likely made this apparent, especially if you have children at home.

Not everyone has kids in the home, but the older they are makes it necessary to have the awkward conversation about sex and drugs. But what's often overlooked is the important conversation of healthy versus unhealthy relationships. It's a conversation we definitely need to add to everyone's toolkit. Not every unhealthy relationship involves violence so you need to be aware of the sneaky, nice, but mean ones. https://www.bustle.com/articles/98780-9-signs-of-an-unhealthy-relationship-that-are-easy-to-miss-because-it-can-happen-to It is our job to get them prepared, and while the conversation can be unsettling, it's better to have an awkward conversation rather than send them out into the world unprepared. It's necessary to help your kids heal as well because they experienced trauma too if they were in the home when the violence occurred. https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/childhood-domestic-violence/8-ways-to-talk-with-kids-exposed-to-domestic-violence

Please take care of yourself. Your self-care matters, even if it means leaving and starting over. There are resources out there to help you. You can do it!